I decided I didn't wanna feel like a high idiot every day so I switched to CBD flower instead because I like smoking, but don't wanna feel like an unmotivated, anxious, squinty loser. So far I like it. I save the thc for the evenings, before bed. Actually, I need this. I think I need to, not be as stoned as I usually am...it sounds awful I know. I have smoked a lot of weed and now I feel that it's time to move away from feeling the way it makes me feel.
I had a good day today. Like a real good day. I wasn't in discomfort, I said hello to strangers (haha), I had a conversation with Alexa at the coffee shop, I was able to talk to customers with ease. I used to be so confident and forward with people and conversation.
The idea of smoking CBD was laughable before because it doesn't get you stoned like thc does. I always brushed it off. Always looking for high thc content. Waking up and smoking a joint became too easy and routine in the mornings. It was "normal". And then I would feel stoned yet still function. Now that I have tried some CBD flower, I am going to continue to use it until I can one day slow down and stop. I think it's kinda fucked me up a bit. Everyone knows me because of weed. Actually I hate that so much. I am more than just someone who smokes weed haha...ugh...I really fkn hate that.
I don't know. I know someone who buys weed products all of the time and I don't find it interesting. I don't care that so and so has 50 strains of shatter or weed. I think that's over the top. Over my head... I think it screams problem (like holy shit why so much of that?) but then after reflecting, I feel the same with smoking thc all day. Except that I feel like a fkn loser. I'm no better. So with this decision I want to try to be better? I just want to feel good like I did today every day, with confidence, and not high anymore.